Yes, you can still say whatever you want.
But terms and conditions apply, darling.
Tranquillo, puoi ancora dire tutto quello che vuoi. – leggi questo articolo in italiano
[Apologies for the radio silence. I have been in the process of revisiting my learning of both French and Japanese and I have only started to make sense of a viable routine to incorporate my studies to my writing and–well, the fact that I have a small business to run and a life to live. I will aim at a semi-monthly1 publication schedule. Fewer is better than zero, unless we are talking about viruses, ants, pigeons nesting in your balcony, TED talks, logos on luxury clothing, raisins in baked goods.]
My friends had a baby, so a few weeks ago we went to visit them. After showing us their baby, which was indeed great, they proceeded to show us their portentous bird plush with a long, flexible neck. This guy could either dance to a variety of tunes or simply repeat whatever was said to him, but in a funny, distorted voice. It reminded me of some friendly colleagues from my university in Milan. They also could repeat whatever I said to them in a funny, distorted Northern accent.
I find following my own train of thought while talking quite of an arduous task. Overall, I think that anyone would find it challenging to follow a train on foot, as even following a bike on foot can prove to be strenuous –or perhaps it’s just me, being out of shape: downsides of a sedentary career. So imagine having to follow the aforementioned train with an annoying bird on a godfather voice filter perpetually on, perched on your shoulder.
Okay, but what does this bird story have to do with anything?, you may ask. You may, but that would be rude. Stop asking questions all the time, you are not a five years old, I am not your mother and I don’t owe you any answers.
I was saying –contrary to that marvellous piece of fluffy toy technology we witnessed a few weeks ago, the university colleagues were selective with their parroting and exclusively targeted what I said and no one else’s. The reason being they found my Sicilian accent absolutely hilarious and thought I sounded like a Mafia boss’ daughter. As the daughter of a mere uneventful, anticlerical railway worker, I didn’t have as much fun as they did with all these shenanigans. Back then, I never considered the possibility of talking back and pointing out something along the lines of “Woah, that’s such a non-funny and out of place thing to say!”
It’s funny because that was back in the days when we could all say what we wanted, contrary to today (you may have heard it, we can’t say anything anymore). How is it possible? What follows is an illustration of how the freedom to say what one wants works in real life.
Band Member : What the hell you doing to my car?
3-D : Hey, beat it, spook. This don't concern you.
Marvin Berry : [four additional band members get out of the car] Who you calling "spook," peckerwood?
Skinhead : Hey, hey, listen, guys... Look, I don't wanna mess with no reefer addicts, okay?
Marvin Berry : Get home to your mama, boy.(Back to the Future, 1985)
Three principles are derived from this illustration.
It’s easier to say whatever you want when you are in a position of power or part of a majority.
The moment you say whatever you want, you need to accept the consequences.
Sometimes the desire for saying what you want wanes the moment you realise that whatever you wanted to say may have consequences, e.g. get you in trouble.
The fact is that saying things isn’t free of charge. It isn’t free of charge by the time we make the effort of putting words together, which makes us extremely clear and succinct thinkers the very moment we speak a new foreign language. (Take me in Japanese. All of a sudden, I discover that I don’t need to say so many words, as intricate things can and have to be boiled down to a few simple words. It’s a great via negativa exercise for the verbose.) But they also aren’t free of charge because they fill up the room –they leave less space for other things to be said.
As an example, let’s look at myself, vacationing a few summers ago in a small town in the Lake District2. When everybody around me was saying “It’s coming home”, I didn’t necessarily have a lot of room to respond “Respectfully sir, it’s not”. Same as with the Northern Italy birds, there is a bit of a risk in contradicting a conceited majority entirely on your own.
Or, in another instance, my maths teacher from high school was commenting our classmates choice of skipping religion class because of their atheism by saying “How foolish! How idiotic! How despicable! Who else among you guys is an atheist?”. A zealous classmate whispered to me: “Tell her, Vale!”. Me? No, I am not an atheist anymore. I just had a vision of our Lady of Medjugorje standing right behind the teacher and holding a maths test with an F.
In this case, there is obviously a bit of a risk in contradicting someone who holds power over you.
In the end, there are so many reasons why we say or we don’t say what we want. Maybe back in the days we mostly heard what the majority wanted to say, or what was considered “common sense” (which is, in Einstein’s words “the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen”3). Maybe back in the days the majority was never contradicted, or at least not openly (see the “It’s coming home/Rome” situation and my atheism that lasted until age 29). Maybe nowadays more and more things are said and that fills up the room, creating confusion. In all cases, you can truly say whatever you want. We live in a democratic society. “You are not a horse… You are a democratic citizen”4.
The fact that we can all say what we want makes for great conversations, but no conversation can happen when one always goes crying to mum that they don’t let him say what he wants anymore. We all had that kid in our childhood afternoon playdates– playing with him is no fun. If you didn’t have that kid in your playdates, guess what: you were that kid.
What follows is a diagram guide illustrating how conversations tend to go most of the time in our society (scenario “a” and “b”), and how they could go (scenario “c”) if we were all a bit more curious and had a bit less unprocessed emotional baggage and a less fragile ego. It’s just a modest proposal.
A note on the scenario “c”, which is the dream of all activists. If someone asks you explain something, you don’t get to be condescending while revealing the gospel or sitting at the teacher’s desk and nobody needs to change their mind on the spot as if they just abjured all pagan gods to follow the ways of Jesus Christ. Conversations between adults aren’t like that –a useful reminder to keep in mind.
No, I haven’t made this word up. Thanks Merriam Webster.
UEFA Euro 2020 final to be precise.